Breaking point: 3 days

There are still 3 days before my exam, including the exam that day.
I think I will mostly go there earlier, because I know I won't read at home.
Sadly enough, I still doesn't pick up the mood to do revision,
Or you should say, STUDYING, because I never pay attention to the classes,
I think this is it for me, the real test is ahead,
And what am I doing now? Still blogging and maybe gaming later.
Can't really say blame anyone for this like some angry kid,
I guess maybe that's just my nature, but why I am like this?
For once, I think to myself, why you do things like this?
That instance, I think because I won't grieve over something until it's gone,
I won't cherish anything before it is forever out of reach,
My heart aches, but even after trampled, stomped, slashed, impaled,
My heart's still there, standing strong for the past, just because I had some good results,
I'm always the person that doesn't care about result,
But maybe that's what I want others to believe, I want my heart to believe,
I want me to believe I don't really care,
I think, that's maybe a good thing,
That made me strong, made me not to cry, not to cry anymore, not to cry easily.
But so what of it? Now everything's falling apart, because of this illusion.

I told one of my friend, most precious one at that,
That what I fear most, is when all these illusions,
All that I made up, all that I thought I needed to fill this hole,
Suddenly, all disappeared into thin air, tell me straight to face,
It's gone, it's all gone, it's just an illusion,
An illusion that's so kind,
An illusion that's emits lights when I need them,
But they are all taken away, no more illumination.

But then, on a second thought,
I knew that all along right?
I knew all these are illusions right?
I knew heading towards these lights,
I'm just playing with fire, and I'm gonna get burned.
Like a shadow that will leap out of its corner and take you anytime,
You will not seek comfort there, nor warm, nor real kindness.
I knew it, all these sugar coated things, all along.

And now, it's all coming, one at the time,
All collapsed, there are no more kindness, remorse, or sanity left,
But why, why am I still standing on a shaky ground like that?
Why I am still standing there?

This is not a poem, nor some pretty words to confuse people,
This is a true confession, from a dying heart,
But all this heart seeks, is just a little comfort, not ignorance.
All this insanity, only need someone to talk to,
This spark of insanity, who's gonna stretch their hands to me?
But here I am, standing on the breaking point of this illusion,
I'm not okay.