It begins later today

I think I shouldn't be still sitting around to be writing this,
But I guess I can't really fall asleep yet,
And still playing games made me guilty for some reason,
So I guess the best way to spend time,
Or maybe get some pieces of my mind out of the way before it really happened.

Well today is the day, nervous? Maybe.
I don't understand why, every time when it's finally time for the exam,
I will not feel like the others, nervous and stuff,
Rather, I feel excited, excited because it's finally coming to an end.
I know there are people that think I am just showing,
Because I'm good even not studying and stuff like that,
It's intimating, but I guess I can't blame them, I shouldn't be doing this after all,
It's abnormal, peculiar for them.
But why do you feel nervous, fear, for something that's gonna happens anyway no matter whatever things you do?
Rather, face it with anticipation, accepting it is much better, right?
Well, just my opinion, I guess everyone have their way of dealing things.
Revision? Barely did it, I guess I'm not really an independent person after all,
I will have to rely on my friend again,
Sorry for the trouble okay? IF you read this blog anyway.

Actually, the whole reason that I wrote this, is because of the previous entry.
I'm sorry guys, maybe I made some of you worried,
I was in a worst mood, because they are many things that aren't going smoothly.
Do you guys understand what I meant by illusions?
I'll explain anyway, because I think you guys need some explanations.
I was always a crybaby, I'll cry on everything on my childhood,
I'll cry because something isn't like what I wanted,
I'll cry because something bad happened,
I'll cry because I'm gonna get punished by some wrongdoings I did.
My friend said, it is because I weighted everything too heavily,
That is why I'll cry easily, even for small things.
I think it really is the case, I'm the one that thinks a lot,
Usually ended in the worst way possible, or what you'll call worst case scenario.
That is the reason why I cry so hard, maybe.
I guess that's the reason I created this illusion,
This unreal, not genuine, fake one's self,
That looks strong, cheerful, happy-go-lucky,
To cover my weak and depressing self.
I thought this were the best,
This illusion brought me many things,
Friends, for obvious reason, no one likes a emo guy.
Easy life, because I didn't think that much anymore,
But I never thought this will backfire,
Like a shadow that's waiting to bite you from behind,
It's just waiting for its chance.
I really snapped, when he threw these cold words on me,
I feel like, all illusions that built up until now had collapsed.
I don't know what to do at all,
But I acted like nothing happened, I really hate myself for this one.

For guys that are worried about me,
Don't be, because I'm the type that thinks a lot, right?
I guess I have found the answer, the cure.
Human is a funny being, they never notice something easy when they are caught within it, even it's just nearby and reachable.
What if all of it are just illusion?
You're the real deal, right?
The real you still have to face the world, right?
Crying over a spilled milk, the world will not stopped and look at you, right?
For this, I would like to say, thank you,
Thank you to all my friends,
Because you guys, are not illusion, you guys are my precious.
You guys are the hands that stretch their hands to me,
I always knew that, right?

ありがとうございます